are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
