Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
