i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
