so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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