if you like me you must not know who I am
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
