i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
