we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
