oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
