his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
