found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
