sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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