I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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