So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
