Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
