Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize