Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
