Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
