I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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