my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
