If that was your dad, he is hot
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
