apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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