Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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