I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
