my room smells like sperm. sweet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
