Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
