I love black thongs
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
