I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
