Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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