My first STD was from a foam party
i think my mom watched the whole time
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
