Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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