The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
