God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
