it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just found a bag of teeth...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
