We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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