I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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