dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
