Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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