I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
