how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
