So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize