haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
