um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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