you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
