i just had sex bonerless
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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