he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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