Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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