I just pynch a tree in the face
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
