She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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