I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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