Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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