VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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