Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
