Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
