She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
