TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
