I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize