Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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