Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
