there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
