I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
