you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize