Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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