some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
