Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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