youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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