We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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