please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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