what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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